Troubled Mind

Sometime we open our heart to someone whom we think its worth and after some days we realised we did a blunder. Out heart trusts, hands moves front to firm a shake in order to build a new relation, arms open wide and we give them space close to our heart welcoming with a hug, a smile, a new dream, a new companion to walk with this journey of life.

At times we get so frustrated that we think its enough. No more new friends.

I have gone through similar stage. I felt, I've already many to take care plus I can't trust anyone anymore. Anyhow it doesn't stop there. Our soul is always in active mode searching for someone to be with. I wish at times we could live alone and need no one to depend on.

Through this phases of life which soaked me in so many drunken thoughts which made me realise the hangover will last forever. Someone whom we open our heart can give the most painful moments with heartaches and tearful eyes.

I still haven't forgotten the day i saw her for the first time. I was probably of 13 years old. The first time I saw her was in some party, pretty looking girl I ever saw. Blue dress with long lovely hair. I knew I wanted to be friend but I was the shy kid when it came to stranger. Somehow we met again after some years. Spend some time together and got to know each other better. I thought In spite of everything she is like me. She would understand who I really am. We would be good friends in future. We laughed together, cooked together and even hugged each other when the other was sad or felt home sick.

Those were great times. I even wrote poem on our friendship, describing her.

Days passed and instead of things turning from from good to better it went worse. I'm a girl who doesn't follow much ethics, I've my own norms and I believe in being practical, logical, do what I want to and let other people do what they want to. I don't understand why people have so many problems with other life. She was good, she never said anything. I even shared my personal space, my blog link with her. My own personal diary.

How much can you change yourself to exist in your society? For how long can you not be you cuz you know you have to accept some social factor which your heart doesn't wanna follow? My heart aches when I think of her. The day someone mentions or she turns up from somewhere my whole day gets disturbed. I think what did do wrong that our friendship took a turn. I am loyal to my friends. I take them seriously. But when I hate someone, I hate that person so much that I don't want to hear his/ her name either.

The good, bad memories flashes back but the pain in my heart are more than the smiles you gave to my lips. Its been more than a year but the memories are still so fresh no matter how hard I try to erase. I don't know when these pain will degrade.

I wish she doesn't follow me anymore. Don't read whats happening to me. Cuz I can never get back to her. Friendship brings smile not tears. It holds hands when we are shaky instead of leaving them to deserted, unknown land.

P.S. if there is any typos pls email me separately so that I can fix them..

Thanks readers.

Song of the day - Nothing on you By B.o.B. ft Bruno Mars