The close one..

I Miss her but I don’t know why I feel guilty that I miss her. She shouldn’t cross my mind. Why would she when she always tends to hurt me unknowingly. Is it so easy to forgive someone who always hurt you unknowingly? I know I should talk to her about the matter but damn she doesn’t understand me anymore. Suddenly I feel someone who knew me so closly doesn’t understand me anymore. duh!!! I hate these feelings…

Hurt

The feeling when you feel that your best of friends who is like your soulmate takes you so negative.
I don’t know why I am going through this feeling but it’s killing me inside. It’s neither an incident nor a phase but I have been observing this for quite some time.
All that comes in my mind is when close friend hurts you knowingly or unknowingly, it hurts really bad and at the end of it you think why on earth do you have close friends and give them right to hurt you.

"Jashn", my new venture...

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Thanks

That one call

“25 missed calls?” She looked at her phone cause that is what she does every morning after she wakes up. She realised it was just a dream. Yet she felt a sense of urgency to hear him to assure herself that everything was alright. 

Few months have passed and they didn't hear a word from each other. Some misunderstanding mixed with ego took over and shook their friendship. No matter how long the pause was she always missed him. 

It was odd time and still she had to get out of bed to call him once and hear his voice to know if everything was alright. She didn't want him to know that she had called her so she used her other private number and dialed his number. 

“Hello?”, he said. Hundred thoughts rustled her mind after hearing his voice after such a long time. The entire ego has vanished and for once she felt she had forgiven him for everything. “Hello is anyone there?” His sleepy voice sounded as soothing as always. That’s all she needed to hear, his voice. Tears rolled down her neck as she began to sob. 

P.S. there are some contact numbers we want to forget, we delete them from our phonebook but we are not able to delete them from our mind.

My first job

I lived in Bangalore for almost 8 years. It is the city where I found most amazing friends, my love, my first job, lots of learning and lots of fun. Today I am not going to go on about B’lore but something related to my first job. 

In those days (year 2005) my parents were pretty strict about pocket money. Despite they knew Bangalore was expensive city, the pocket money I received monthly hardly made it to my savings so that I could have gone shopping. I never had heart to tell them that the money they sent were not enough. I knew they were already spending a lot on my education, accommodation and fooding. I somehow gather information that there were lots of students who worked part time in some events like product promotion, helping with events, salesman in exhibition, branding etc. 

I somehow managed to get a contact number of a man who worked to supply manpower to such events. Mainly he was the one who had contact numbers of students who are willing to work for such events as part timers. Some events go on for days and some ends in just three to four hours in same day. 

As soon as I collected contact number of this man I called him and he offered me a job for three days to work as sales-women in an exhibition of arts and crafts in Kanteerava Indoor Stadium for a stall. I had to work from 10 am to 8pm for consecutive three days for Rs three hundred per day. I know the money was too less for the long hours but I thought it was better than wasting time staying indoor. The experience was good. The joy of working for the first time and earning thousand rupees out of which one hundred was a bonus given by the boss . I couldn’t hold to give the news to my parents in Nepal. I still remember those moments. I earned thousand bucks and spent rupees three hundred on buying souvenirs for my sister which consists of candle stand, floating candle and some other decorative items. 

Now don’t call me kanjoos. I realized it was not easy to earn money! 

This was my first mini experience of Job. How about yours? 

Back again

The reason I started blogging was to comfort my mind. I was going through a tough phase and there were none who could understand me what exactly I was going through. Finally I found a way out, strangely blogging helped. I was happy to see comments and realised people somewhere, though they don’t know me, still understood me far better than people around me. What could be the reasons?

Any ways you might have noticed that the frequency of my blog post has tremendously gone down in past few months. One reason is I am married and I don’t have much easeful time to write down anything. Past few days I have been so busy with home responsibilities. Life is not that easy after marriage but soon I hope I will find a comfortable corner and time.

Another reason is RD(my husband) is always there to listen to me. He has become my immediate shoulder to lay on. So I happen to share all my feelings with him so I am back to normal me and I don’t feel like blogging it out.

There were few of my posts which were romantic and of past memories. Well I am not much into much romantic imagineation now as I am already living my dreams and yes I have been missing past more than any other times specially my mother.

Today I am glad I could  finally write down something. I hope I will visit this space more often. Miss you all my blogger friends. Ab dimag shayad kaam karega ;) lol

After all CHANGE is the only thing that is constant

There are things that we deal with every day and when we read an article, blog post or even listen to what others are saying, we relate it to the things we deal with in our life. 

Like Peter (a co blog friend) said, first of all you have to be READY for change, and be willing to go along with whatever comes your way. It made me think of my present situation. I never knew marriage would mean so many changes and that daily routine change to such an extent, that you become a completely different person. These changes may not be seen 100% in behaviour but yes nearly 100% in tasks. I have begun to understand that I was not totally ready to accept the changes that would come with marriage. 

There are things I get to hear which I have never heard. There are some customs which are not followed at my father’s house but now I am left with no option but to follow it. I ask myself, “Why should I follow such weird traditions which don’t make sense to me.” These thoughts of mine hurt me and others as well. I am hurt thinking why strange cultures are thrown at me and I am asked to blindly accept it. On the other hand my family is hurt when I ask them if it is necessary to accept such senseless customs. I get a feeling that they might think what kind of abnormal daughter in law (DIL) I am who asks so many questions and who has issues with everything. 

Before DIL had to follow everything told to them without a question but now things have changed. Ladies are no more scared to question for knowledge and In-laws are no more shocked to see their DIL wanting to know so much. 

Every family has different traditions. Like how parents nurture their child from childhood, teach them values and norms, in the same way it’s their duty to nurture and teach their DIL the exact same things in the same way. Conflicting thoughts cross a girls mind when she compares her mother’s house customs and her husband’s house’s customs. When a person has been doing things in a certain way and has to change their pattern, they face some difficulties in the beginning. 

When I spoke to my husband about this, he supported me completely but he also asked if I can accept certain rules which don’t make sense to me but makes sense to my in-laws just for their happiness. Not following things would not make me sad, but if it can make at them happy then why shouldn't I just blindly follow it for their happiness? My answer to that was - when my heart is not ready to accept some things I cannot do it, no matter for whom. I know it is bizarre to see me so stubborn but I think first I should be “ready” to accept and then only I can accept. 

From day one of my marriage, hundred things are thrown at me to follow, let me choose seventy five of them to follow and twenty five not to. Why should I follow everything when my heart is not ready? May be at some point in time I will understand things and then I will be ready for the changes. 

Yesterday we had “khichdi” for dinner. I being a lover of “khichdi ka Roti” asked my mother in law if the dough can last till next morning so that I could have the same menu for my breakfast too. She replied that, they don’t keep leftover dough for next morning. I asked my Mother in law (MIL) if this was some kind of custom of the family or that our grandmother does not allow. She said that she doesn't know the answer to it because she had been following this since she got married (In those time they were not allow to question anything to anyone). After hearing all this I felt I am blessed to have a MIL who is so frank with me and with whom I can tell and share anything. 

Yes, accepting new things take time and it can only be accepted when I am ready to accept change in my life. It is not necessary that just because I have completed six months of my marriage I should by now get well adjusted to all these norms. It can take a lifetime to adjust, after all life is all about making compromises. 

Not able to decide

What is Mrs. Dhanawat up to these days? Well she is still trying to come out of the shock that she is married and has completed six months of togetherness with Mr. Dhanawat. Phew, did I say six months? Damn it feels so old already.

It’s difficult to pass time here in Nepal, as I stay in a small town called Biratnagar. I had made it pretty clear to my husband that I didn’t want to be a home maker and that I would prefer to spend my time working professionally else what’s the point of me being a graduate. Thankfully my in laws are pretty cool with the idea of me working. Besides, we already have a cook so I’m not needed in the kitchen. I thought I should make a better fit of myself. 

Trying a new business seems like a great idea but the only thing which comes to mind is “will it survive?” ,considering  the purchasing power of people is low and adding to that they have a very weird mentality.  It is funny how for a particular goods or services people are ready to go out and spend but if same thing is made available in the city they are not ready to spend even a dime.

Initially I thought about business in imported fruits. Kathmandu is a good supplier of imported fruits and it gets its goods from China, India, and Thailand etc and has a good market as people are ready to buy expensive fruits. Tourists also do not hesitate to buy such products but when it comes to Biratnagar it is a different story. Who will buy such expensive fruits? I don’t think a market of imported fruits would survive here as the number of tourists visiting this town is very low.

I thought about designing wedding cards.  Wedding card is a need for every family. Residents of Biratnagar specially go to Kolkata to buy their wedding material which includes card purchase as well. Another spot for such shopping is Siliguri. Why not I design the card and people can buy from me if they are getting similar stuff in similar price range?

What do you think about this idea??