Finally ..

 

It’s been 8 years but butterflies in my stomach still exist. I still die to hear him say the golden words "I love you". The talks are getting longer every night. With each passing day the wait seems to be longer. It feels like time has stopped and even kicking the hands of clock won’t help.
We are getting engaged on 23rd November.
It will be a small function but a big step in our lives, two family union. I am so excited. In between RD had come to meet me. My mom introduces him to my Grand-Dad saying “ye aapka chota jawai hai” (this is your younger son-in-law). Grand Dad started with his small interview session and RD was patiently replying all the questions darted on him. Mom teased RD with best wishes for interview
After he left Grand Dad was so pleased to inform my Dad that he really liked RD. He said I am lucky to have such a handsome and good man and family. All is going good and I am dying to meet him again. He is been so busy these days but we end up talking most of the nights.
On the other hand my elder sister (Shweta Di) is getting married on 9th Dec. Dance practises are going on for Di’s wedding. RD and I are planning to perform a duet dance.
I left B’lore and now back home. It feels really great. I am enjoying yummy home food and feeling of being in family feels great with new add-on this time. Diwali was awesome. I was busy with Diya decoration. This time departing from B’lore wasn’t that excruciating because I was so excited for my sister’s wedding. Anil Sawan came to drop me in airport early morning. It was really sweet of him to come to airport directly from work.
Life is at its full fledge

My dairy – Moral of the story???

Had left house early when my flat mates disclosed what was in their mind. I went to the common room to comb my hair and i could see both my cousins in a little worried expression. I didn't have a direct eye contact but i saw in through the mirror. Since many days i had been disturb. Friendship wasn't working out. With me relationships has always been easy. I make good friends and they are happy i'm in their life. There are Ppl who were after my life to be friend. I remember my encounter with AKS. The first time he saw me he  knew that i should be his friend. I'd been avoiding him but his affection and caring nature left with no choice than being his friend. M so happy i chose to be his friend. He likes when i speak to him. His worries decreases cuz he knows m always there for him just a call away. I'd always been helping, caring and sweet person. My friends who are close to me says don't be so sweet and easy Ppl will hurt you, take advantage of you and turn you down,use you cuz you are so easy with everyone. You don't mind being hurt if other person is happy.
I'd been trying so hard to work out this friendship. But i think there are something which should be left when its in your hand. I tried, it didn't succeed. Why? For good? May be. . Its hard to digest how someone can have prob wit me.
Coming back to story with my cousins. They suggested me to move out of flat cuz there has been issue with food, no maid to cook and i dnt know much cooking. With what ever i know i always say i can give my helping hands.
I too noticed difference in behaviour. I smile they don't . I talk , they reply, they don't talk anything directly. Its better to stay alone than staying with someone who don't even make any conversation.
When she made the suggestion that its better i find the pg, i didn't react. There were lot of things in my head. She actually read my mind. Something pinched me. I got ready and left. I hadn't made my mind where would i go. I didn't have my lunch also. I'd tuition and 2 and it was 12.15. With no other option coming in my mind i  decided to go to tuition centre. I called my friend Niki. She didn't ans. She called me back in two mins and the min she spoke to me what happened i burst out in tears. I don't know why. We spoke about the issue. Attended class for two almost three hours. Last two hours what my teacher spoke i had no clue. All i did was write what he was dictating. Every thing sound so alien. I walked back to the lane to catch the taxi when  the tuition got over. I walked and i thought many things. I smile and same time i cried.  I couldn't find the guy who always accompanied me to walk down the lane. Today i walked alone. He caught my pace and walked with me and i saw him walking faster. I realised he wanted to smoke. I wanted to smoke too but it wasn't the right place. I just had a line conversation with him when i saw one of cousin nearing me. She asked if i was going home or somewhere else. I had no clue. Definitely I was hungry and i wanted to be alone rather than sitting with some with whom i don't have any conversation and just a weird feeling in heart. She is very caring, very sweet. On her i'd written a poem dedicated a post. Life was smooth when i wrote about a friend to be. But i guess some friendships and not meant to be.
I took a taxi sat, didn't wanted to go back to flat and sit alone in the deserted room. I went to mac d to eat. Made several call to enquire about pg and then bought a smoke to took a taxi back to flat. Half way. I ask the taxi to turn to crossword. I came here. I found peace. I'm writing this post rather than reading a novel that i laid my hand into its a book my ROBIN SHARMA who writes about who will cry when you die. The same author who wrote monk who sold his Ferrari. Read few pages later felt nice and came back to flat.

Aree yaar hota hai life main. sab ki din hote hain.. aaj mera kharab kal kisi aur ka. Life hai hi kamini.. Aish kar.. Dhan ta nan… ta nan ta nan.

ya fir gani chaniye. Goli mar bheje main. bheja shor karna hai. Dhicyaun :)

Back to Blog

Its amazing feeling to be back home. Bro was there to pick me up in the airport. We went to eat ice cream and pizza on the way back home. My dog, Buddy greeted me with lots of kisses and there my mom and sis were standing with smile and arms wide open. It was so so amazing to receive hugs, i badly was in need to it. My grand dad couldn't believe his eyes When he saw me. May be he didn't have a clue that i was coming. It was a sudden plan after all. I was feeling lost in Calcutta. I didn't have single close friend.

May be that's how life is. Not always perfect. Have to deal with all the phases and each phase teaches you something special. A reason to live life. A reason to struggle for something you don't know. Life is all about phases and phases is all about life. How to be bright when you low, how to handle excitement and surprises are the each levels of life. All the best with it.
I've come to conclusion how I can handle my mood when i am low. Here are some of my secrets to change my mood

1. talk to someone who is most of the time funny and whose talks makes You laugh. Positivity kills negativity right?
2. Listen to good music is loud volume for sometime so that you can't think of anything else not even your own thoughts .
3. Go out with bunch of friends and shop or eat or do something that makes you smile.
4. I love watching flights in sky. Its something that always bring smile on my face. So when 'm low you might find me looking at the sky to catch a glimpse of Aeroplane or if not, going for a drive to airport.
5. Read Cosmopolitan magazine.
6. Talk on phone with someone who won't make fun when you cry on phone. So if you have no way out let the being low phase out of your body crying for once and for all helps.
7. Watch a nice movie.
8. Drink, get high, yell and get over with it for once and for all. If you are not a yelling kinda person you can stay calm, composite and go to bed of coarse to sleep.

I have jotted down 8 points. Now its your turn to share some secrets. What do you do to change your mood when You are low?

P.S. I just reached Kolkata today. Got headache and feeling pathetic.

Life, a Roller Coaster

I stood for a long time by the roller coaster, and i noticed that most people get on it in search of excitement, but once it starts, they are terrified and wants the cars to stop.

Excitement is something which always pulls everyone towards it, but it’s we to decide if we can risk our life for that excitement. Every day should be different. What’s the use of life if everything goes like any other day. We have short life and we got to leave it the fullest.

What do they expect? Having chosen adventure, shouldn’t they be prepared to go the whole way??

I took a course which sounds tough. CFA, you guys might have heard, sounds great when its elaborated, i.e.Chartered Financial Analyst. International degree by America, a recognised degree whole wide, which when clear will make the future. After all in today’s economic scenario earning bucks isn't easy specially for the new comers. We choose something for us, we make a goal for ourselves but do we really stick to it?? It’s easy to say then to do. Best is we should be positive. Don’t let your will power die. Greatest thing in world is will power. If you have will power the toughest goal is small and easy. One thing I learnt from RD is don't judge things so easily. We shouldn’t set back thinking that the path is too muddy and we will never get there. AT least try how much every you can so that at the end you can say you gave your best.

Life isn’t a carousel going round and round. Ups and down are part of life. We should be strong during bad phase. Best way to do is let not the difficult elements like emotions, pain, excuse overtake your will power. My dad says bend your leg till it hurts.Don’t let the pain win your confidence in you. You are stronger and not the pain. Once you prove the pain that you don’t feel anything, pain itself will feel like a big looser and leave you. He was right. Today morning when I got up for morning walk I felt pain in my leg. I didn't think about the pain much and told myself--  I M STRONGER THAN YOU and managed my morning walk. I felt great. I felt positive.

If we take things positive, life will be much easier. If there is a way to make life easy why not do it from NOW?

(first three coloured lines are extract of Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho)

P.s. read something very thought provoking in Eleven Minutes and would like to share it with you guys..

 If you feel depressed think this way – think that you have fallen asleep in the rollercoaster. What would you fell?? Trapped and sick, terrified with every bend and wanting to get off. Would you stay in that car through out the night and wait for someone to come and help you out??? Rollercoaster is like a machine which is operated by God. The track of the roller coaster is our destiny and till the time we are in the roller coaster (which is our destiny) we should enjoy the landscapes and surrounding, enjoy every ups and downs to the fullest till the car comes to the stop (till our last breath)