Troubled Mind

Sometime we open our heart to someone whom we think its worth and after some days we realised we did a blunder. Out heart trusts, hands moves front to firm a shake in order to build a new relation, arms open wide and we give them space close to our heart welcoming with a hug, a smile, a new dream, a new companion to walk with this journey of life.

At times we get so frustrated that we think its enough. No more new friends.

I have gone through similar stage. I felt, I've already many to take care plus I can't trust anyone anymore. Anyhow it doesn't stop there. Our soul is always in active mode searching for someone to be with. I wish at times we could live alone and need no one to depend on.

Through this phases of life which soaked me in so many drunken thoughts which made me realise the hangover will last forever. Someone whom we open our heart can give the most painful moments with heartaches and tearful eyes.

I still haven't forgotten the day i saw her for the first time. I was probably of 13 years old. The first time I saw her was in some party, pretty looking girl I ever saw. Blue dress with long lovely hair. I knew I wanted to be friend but I was the shy kid when it came to stranger. Somehow we met again after some years. Spend some time together and got to know each other better. I thought In spite of everything she is like me. She would understand who I really am. We would be good friends in future. We laughed together, cooked together and even hugged each other when the other was sad or felt home sick.

Those were great times. I even wrote poem on our friendship, describing her.

Days passed and instead of things turning from from good to better it went worse. I'm a girl who doesn't follow much ethics, I've my own norms and I believe in being practical, logical, do what I want to and let other people do what they want to. I don't understand why people have so many problems with other life. She was good, she never said anything. I even shared my personal space, my blog link with her. My own personal diary.

How much can you change yourself to exist in your society? For how long can you not be you cuz you know you have to accept some social factor which your heart doesn't wanna follow? My heart aches when I think of her. The day someone mentions or she turns up from somewhere my whole day gets disturbed. I think what did do wrong that our friendship took a turn. I am loyal to my friends. I take them seriously. But when I hate someone, I hate that person so much that I don't want to hear his/ her name either.

The good, bad memories flashes back but the pain in my heart are more than the smiles you gave to my lips. Its been more than a year but the memories are still so fresh no matter how hard I try to erase. I don't know when these pain will degrade.

I wish she doesn't follow me anymore. Don't read whats happening to me. Cuz I can never get back to her. Friendship brings smile not tears. It holds hands when we are shaky instead of leaving them to deserted, unknown land.

P.S. if there is any typos pls email me separately so that I can fix them..

Thanks readers.

Song of the day - Nothing on you By B.o.B. ft Bruno Mars

Looking back

I thought time has changed,
its time to rain ,
but the clouds fooled me.

I thought he was my best friends,
he came, he stayed
and today there is no more 'he-me'


I thought, like how I learnt
the river flows
and no one can stop

I thought the past is gone,
the memories are buried.
But it still shows off


I thought I came too far
I lost my way in between
but its still so easy to get back

I thought love ends
but it doesnt, it stays,
it is still easy to track

After a break

After a long time the story was repeated. When you are in love its always so exciting to tell others your love story. Every time I tell my love story I enjoy the flash back, never actually get bored or tired. It was one of the most exciting moments and its even more exciting to live in again when I narrate the story with so much passion.

My room mate has just completed her first year degree (B.A.) her BF stays just next door so most of the time she is out with him so we really dint spend much time together.The Girls next doors are pretty good. Now we kinda gelled but sad thing is their exams too got over and now they are too gone home for 2 mths. Hardly any one left in PG. Its gonna be boring. It used to be exciting to see them screaming for IPL, crazy watching Dil Mil Gaye... I will is them.

Yesterday "S" left at 4:30am for airport. I was awake with her. We had nice time chit chatting at night, she was busy packing and I was busy trying to study and bich ke saree gup shup I read out some of my old post to her and she really liked it. I am so happy but now she too is gone. In one way its good cuz I have exam in June and I need no distraction for that.

Bike rides are always fun but now it comes with some fear but I still try to enjoy. I have not able to be bindaas like before but still its nice :)

Reading old post some time can be so much fun, some of your favourite post brings back so many memories and smile :)

Bangalore is getting hotter!!! Damn!!!!

I wanna go to Hard Rock Cafe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish I can find some one to accompany me. :|

I havent been writing much these days. Its not like there is nothing to write but its just that nothing exciting is happening. These two months I have to prepare for exam and drop my CV for Job. Working out CV is another pain :|

Went shopping, got some cute tops (mads wait for pics ), needed black jeans and end but buying which wasnt actually black but kinda dark shade blackish, unfortunately blue!!! :-(

I love make-up and finally bought some good eyeshadow, bags... yooo shopping always makes me happy :)

On 1st April we had a get together, i know such a bad day for a get together and out of 11 friends , two didnt turn out thinking we are fooling them :| errrrrr Did u guys - gals got fooled this April fool???

It was great

I had awesome friendship day . had been to tuition and it was raining all the while. I was so tempted to bunk but i couldn’t. Sidhi sadhi bachi :D

Met a friend in coffee day, called up my Best friend in Nepal and asked her to come online. Chatted, saw her after long time on cam. It was so much fun. I msg all my good friends irrespective of 1rs per sms. :D

two of my friends wished me from who i actually wasnt expecting any sms or call and those didnt sms or call who i was expecting to wish me.

Neha got so emotional wishing me. She took me to the flash back of good times.

later at night me and Gaurav planned to hang around. we went to Shisha, the Disc in Kolkata. Finally after two yrs I went to disc. It was fun. Tried out two cocktail, Martini and Rude cosmopolitan (Tequila based). acted funny when i returned back to pg.

It was fun.

How was your day guys?? what did you do?

First time i didn't buy bands and didn't get also. M sure if I was in college iIwould surely get one. College mates are so cute. Missing u Shally, Divya, Fiona, Shazee, Monika, Poo Kiran. (yeah gals college ya). :P

This and That

Trying to watch soap called Lost in Star World but i m not able to concentrate.

the net wire is not connected in my laptop as someone else needs it. Some blog pages are open and I am reading them one by one and drafting comment in my notepad. I think of books i think i have to study, i think of exercise – makes me realise  I missed my physio to say goodbye to Gaurav.

Watched a end of movie and felt i should have logged into the channel before, Christian wedding scene.. awwww so impressive --- reminds me i should have gone to Church on last time with my friend before he left the city. Suddenly I m craving to go to Church.

My one time best friend, Manali who is hardly in touch with me leaves something in FB made me feel I should not wait for her message. May be She is waiting for my message.

I see our wall to wall history – 4 msg from me and one from her …   Phew.. some ppl are so difficult to deal with when it comes to distance.  ( u guys are lucky cuz m most of the time easily reachable)

Had been missing old time spent in PG, Room party with Dim light.. Ooo how i miss yellow bulbs.. here arent any in this flat. Just white tube-light  :|

Manali and i used to go to temple and church quiet sometime. Church does some magic. Its peaceful. its understanding yourself and getting answer to the drooling questions and piling up more questions in mind before leaving….

I have to look for HTML courses and guitar classes – my Present longing.

I m lost i don’t know how to find out about them. Google didn't really help.

Today looks longer cuz my friend is gone and i have no one to go out with :(

I am home watching TV with 1/5 of my concentration.

thinking to play game with 1/5 of my interest.

want to go out with 2/5 enthusiasm.

feeling guilty of wasting time and not able to look for course i want. 3/5 – guilt feeling

Dhuuu the ratio is wrong.. there is just lots in my head and i feel lost. Missing home. :(

 

Saw the FB quizzi( how much do you know Nidhi Mangal i.e. Ur own Nidzzi) nothing above 46%

Feel like listening to “nothing else matters”

P.s. Soap Gossip  >>>  madsi was right. Sugna is pregnant in Balika Vadhu.

Mayank gives roses to Nupur in Mile Jab hum tum.. god i can’t keep my eyes off Mayank in MJHT.

PPS.  Still high on Love story, Taylor Swift

Long time didn't go for shopping, have to buy two jeans.

Feeling that i am growing fat – sitting, eating, sleeping and lying down    :|

two post in a day  :O  :O Better don't ignore my previous post. read and comment on that too :|

Pending stuff -- I have three Novels to read (rolling eyes)

Don’t feel like re – reading the post i know Peter will point out for grammar errors.. but its ok .. u know me..

 

See ya.. Love ya.. Miss ya,, muah…

 

Miss you already :(

My best friend Gaurav is leaving in sometime. He got a new Job and is placed in Guwahati (not sure abt spelling. i suck any ways in spellings)

Shit i am feeling so terrible. I know this was meant to happen. It’s just this three month that i had the longest stay with him in Calcutta. Before we used to meet once in a year but these three months had been best days of my life.

I will miss You so much Gaurav.

I made a farewell card for him which he read and almost cried. Today morning he sent cakes which says “will miss you guys” ( will put the picture if possible).

I cant imagine how will my tomorrow will be. I am so used to meeting and freaking out. every day a anew plan to do something different. Who will i share beer with???  :(

who will i go to Coffee shop with and who will gimme looks when i’ll kurta..

Here is something i have written for him in a card.

(Click the Pic to have better view)

word in the image

 

Words when expressed.. there are so much I want to write about you but you know when we sit down to write down the dictionary too falls short.

My dear friend.

I met for a first time in Calcutta when I was on way for my admission from Nepal to Bangalore. It was his birthday 30th April which slipped out of head many times. Shit I’m bad at dates.

The first time I met him I never knew I would speak to him again. But then it happened. He used to call up in my hostel and I’d his mobile no. and then the call session started. I used to write him letters but which he hardly replied. I just had got his one reply which was of 4 to 5 pages.

Near or far we became very good friends. In transition from Bangalore to Nepal I used to always meet him in Calcutta. So whole year we waited just for day, the day when we friends meet.

Today I'm here in Calcutta and because of him I've so much fun and this city is better place to live in.

“P.S. I'll miss all the places that we've been around. Esp Java, someplace else, thanks for the dinner in ITC, and the south city lane has its own charm. The trip to IIMC and your birthday blast. We showed me it was possible to freak out no matter how bad mood I was in and how difficult in was in my mind. We watched a movie in normal class. We went shopping and you caught my speed. We held hands and walked when I lost confidence. You made it possible to chill in nice weather. I just had to tell you what I want and it was all done, thanks to you my Angel. I feel so blue to imagine you won't be close to me anyone. You are my best friend and how will I move on without you.”

 

 

A Friend to be..

I don't know if I did anything wrong. I don't know when and how it happened.

I thought she was turning into a friend. I liked being with her.

A soft spoken polite girl. The first time i met her i found her to be so beautiful. I was kid then. Now the road twisted her way and I met her once again.

She is different but helpful.

She is caring and enthu.

She sweats when she cooks,

she tries to study but she moves in fluke.

She is fast moving like a vampire,

she is concern sister and not a liar.

She speaks into a sweet melody like a song,

she dazzles, walks too much when she goes wrong.   

I make friends easily and at times i find myself tough to mingle with people. At times trying hard is not enough, we need to leave it and watch if it meant to happen.

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