My dairy – Moral of the story???

Had left house early when my flat mates disclosed what was in their mind. I went to the common room to comb my hair and i could see both my cousins in a little worried expression. I didn't have a direct eye contact but i saw in through the mirror. Since many days i had been disturb. Friendship wasn't working out. With me relationships has always been easy. I make good friends and they are happy i'm in their life. There are Ppl who were after my life to be friend. I remember my encounter with AKS. The first time he saw me he  knew that i should be his friend. I'd been avoiding him but his affection and caring nature left with no choice than being his friend. M so happy i chose to be his friend. He likes when i speak to him. His worries decreases cuz he knows m always there for him just a call away. I'd always been helping, caring and sweet person. My friends who are close to me says don't be so sweet and easy Ppl will hurt you, take advantage of you and turn you down,use you cuz you are so easy with everyone. You don't mind being hurt if other person is happy.
I'd been trying so hard to work out this friendship. But i think there are something which should be left when its in your hand. I tried, it didn't succeed. Why? For good? May be. . Its hard to digest how someone can have prob wit me.
Coming back to story with my cousins. They suggested me to move out of flat cuz there has been issue with food, no maid to cook and i dnt know much cooking. With what ever i know i always say i can give my helping hands.
I too noticed difference in behaviour. I smile they don't . I talk , they reply, they don't talk anything directly. Its better to stay alone than staying with someone who don't even make any conversation.
When she made the suggestion that its better i find the pg, i didn't react. There were lot of things in my head. She actually read my mind. Something pinched me. I got ready and left. I hadn't made my mind where would i go. I didn't have my lunch also. I'd tuition and 2 and it was 12.15. With no other option coming in my mind i  decided to go to tuition centre. I called my friend Niki. She didn't ans. She called me back in two mins and the min she spoke to me what happened i burst out in tears. I don't know why. We spoke about the issue. Attended class for two almost three hours. Last two hours what my teacher spoke i had no clue. All i did was write what he was dictating. Every thing sound so alien. I walked back to the lane to catch the taxi when  the tuition got over. I walked and i thought many things. I smile and same time i cried.  I couldn't find the guy who always accompanied me to walk down the lane. Today i walked alone. He caught my pace and walked with me and i saw him walking faster. I realised he wanted to smoke. I wanted to smoke too but it wasn't the right place. I just had a line conversation with him when i saw one of cousin nearing me. She asked if i was going home or somewhere else. I had no clue. Definitely I was hungry and i wanted to be alone rather than sitting with some with whom i don't have any conversation and just a weird feeling in heart. She is very caring, very sweet. On her i'd written a poem dedicated a post. Life was smooth when i wrote about a friend to be. But i guess some friendships and not meant to be.
I took a taxi sat, didn't wanted to go back to flat and sit alone in the deserted room. I went to mac d to eat. Made several call to enquire about pg and then bought a smoke to took a taxi back to flat. Half way. I ask the taxi to turn to crossword. I came here. I found peace. I'm writing this post rather than reading a novel that i laid my hand into its a book my ROBIN SHARMA who writes about who will cry when you die. The same author who wrote monk who sold his Ferrari. Read few pages later felt nice and came back to flat.

Aree yaar hota hai life main. sab ki din hote hain.. aaj mera kharab kal kisi aur ka. Life hai hi kamini.. Aish kar.. Dhan ta nan… ta nan ta nan.

ya fir gani chaniye. Goli mar bheje main. bheja shor karna hai. Dhicyaun :)

Light and then Shadow

i have a long day tomorrow. 2 hours of physio and then one hour break to have lunch and reach my tuition centre. 2 or 3 hours of at-a-stretch studies. God now i think we were brave  enough to sit in class for more than 4 hours at a stretch in college and school time (haan though i was big time bunker, mostly bunked first class to sleep more) i managed my attendance :)

That tuition sir is way too fast so i have decided to go through the study material once before his class and then again go through it after the class. Thank god its only twice a  week (that too on weekend :(  )

Saturday seems so long. Didn’t have a good Friday too. Less people to be close with, Where are all my friends gone???

Strangers smile at least but people who know you don’t even tend to smile. A smile is such a nice thing, a hugs much more miraculous. But where are all the miracles gone? Why some people liked not to be hugged ( i mean whom we know like cousins. friends).

A chatter box stays mum. Yuck so not me.

To be away from what makes me feels so dead and lonely i went to crossword (the book store) directly after my Physio. No maid to cook, so no lunch at home. since My cousins who i stay in flat with had plan to shop and eat outside i was left with no other options than eating out in hospital mess. I could eat in a better place too but didn't have energy to walk or travel again to find a restaurant (and eating alone sucks) so long times missed Idly Sambar in hospital mess :)  :)   me likes.

I remember crossword in Blore, they played only instrumental music. I think that's the best option in a place where books are read so that it doesn't distract you and meanwhile doesn't bore the staff or the window shopper.

I went to this crossword ( in calcutta, as in where i am put up right now) picked up the same novel that i have been reading (eleven minutes) and sat to read.. guess the music track they played!!!!

I can be your hero baby, waiting for tonight, backstreet back????  are they back !!! lol..  it sucked, i could hardly concentrate on what i was reading. reading those 15 pages took me more than an hour. eww.. I felt like reporting spam! :D. any ways, read some pages felt nice, didn't wanted to listen to music still tapped my foot during Hero and left the place with a smile and promised myself to come next time not in taxi but my walking. (as i haven't been going for morning walk. it’s too hot during dawn too :|  i know making excuse is easy and sticking to goal is tough

i came home, and started crying.. i don't like being here!! A phase, i know, this too will pass by with better tomorrow. It better be better

Scribbles

I went to Siliguri for shopping.

I Got a new hair cut!!! Ekdum Bipasha Basu mafik.. what you havent checked her hairstyle in filmfair mag. Dude its mind blowing Mahiya type!!!

Got my hair coloured too. Red and Blond this time and Its seriously awww---sum---ly  Hep.

Abhi I cant post a pic cuz i haven’t clicked any, Plus I forgot to get my data cable.

Finally meri Calcutta ki vapasi ki date teh hogai hai. Subh Muhurat nikal gai. Bhadai ho!!!  (finally decided which date I should be leaving for Calcutta)

I will be going back on 25th by train again this time.

My bro isn’t well. so he will be going to Chennai for Check up, bichara sukhke patjhad hogaya hai.  On the way he will drop down, and drop me down too of course to Calcutta.

some people are so easy to handle and some are so tough.

I was talking to mom that at times I am scared with Bhaiya cuz many times i don't understand what he talk. he talks in low volume which sounds to me like murmuring. Mom too laughed about it. I was surprised. She said she too had gone through this phase lot of time with Bhaiya and when I ask Bhaiya to repeat what he said two three times he gets annoyed and screams at me!!! Short temper I say!!

****  Yesterday I cooked pasta again. Like always me and buddy enjoyed it to the core. Thanks to Sun feast pasta cuz of which white sauce isn't that tough to make.

Hey Mads, Peter and Multimenon are having exams. so all the bloggie togie friend of Menon, Mads and Peter please do wish them all the best  esp to mads so that she not only get passing marks but attempt a record to pass with awesome marks!!! I trust you peter, U will do well. Naak rakhloge.

For the first time I don’t feel like leaving home. May be cause Calcutta is so NOT MY KINDA PLACE.I agree there are awesome place to hang out in Calcutta. Addition to this is the night life but people are conservative. I heard south Calcutta isn’t sucked with conservative people.

It’s difficult for rich people to adjust when are struck with financial problem and live a life of lower middle class. But it wont be difficult for lower middle class family to live a life when they upgrade to upper class (talking in financial/living standard terms)

In the same way its difficult for a person to live in conservative environment when that person had spend his/her life in freedom.. I am facing the same problem. Seven years I had stayed away from home, made my own decision, came back home when ever I wanted, went out when ever I wanted. It is different when I m back to Nepal. I understand parents care and there are some set of discipline and rules to be followed, meant for our own good. Family have all the right to interferer. but I don't dispatch these right to anyone else outside my circle.

I love my privacy. I guess all of us do. We allow only our close friends to invade in our privacy that too if our friends understand the limit. I hate people who try to come close to me without even knowing me. Meet once or twice and asks

can I have your phone number??? Bull shit!!!

Can we go out for coffee????   Hello!!!!!

She checked my bad !!!! What the fuck!!

She stares at my phone when someone calls and checks who is calling…. mind your own business you *****

Asks me where I m Coming from   :-/  Do I need to answer that ??? when even my parents never asked me such questions.

Chatted once or twice and adds me up in facebook/orkut/blah blah!!! hello find others way to  flaunt your Number of Friends in these social sites.

I don't intend to hurt any one and I m not aiming any one in particular. This is just the way I am. It’s better to understand someone rather than pretending to be a step mom/dad.. oh such a sweet child. baby from today I will be your mother/father.Ii will love you like your own mother/father. And next day she/he turns into devil and breaks all the toys and even Barbie… awwwwww

 

P.s. Don't forget to wish Mads and Peter and Menon for exams… all the best guys..

 

 

Auto Walas...

I opened my notes in phone to write down something for blog. I thought of many things.. But something was holding me back. First thing I'm damn scared of traffic. I have always been a traffic phobia gal. And these days I'm even more may be cause of the aftermath of road accident. The auto drivers in Banglore sucks big time. They drive as if they playing a car game.
If someone is giving a drive to someone I think that person has the moment of responsibility ............ but who cares today. I
've always been a bike lover gal. Always ready for a ride or drive, but no more. It’s not that I don't like it but I'm not crazy for rides like before. I choose not to see the road when auto driver drives. So most of the time I play song on my phone, or chat through gprs, talk to someone on phone, sms or simply type notes for blog.

I don't know bike riders are always in so hurry. They suck.
I note to rash drivers... Drive rash if your confident but Plz see that you don't end up hurting someone else. Accident does weird things to body and mind as well. Disabilities changes life.