Flashback..

Hi Sweetheart,

Time check its 1.26 am... am not sleepy at all. People sleeping next to me. if I m caught awake n online will get a good shout. but its worth the risk . missing u.

Thinking of the time we were together. the good times missing them missing being by your side. I love u, waiting to get alright so i can come n meet u again. Always want to be with u .

ok chal m sleeping.

Love

Muah RD

P.S.  this mail was written by RD to me when he was in bed-rest (after the accident)

Why shouldn't we care??

How it feels when suddenly you release that a part of your body does not move. You sleep sound and when you wake up you comprehend that you are not able to wake up.

It is scary. I pray to God none of us have to go through this.

Accident does weird stuff. In want to reach the destination by some minutes faster, we lose what it more important. Like good life, party, music, dance, friends’ etc; speed too has become our obsession. I feel speed reduces our decision making capacity. All we are concern is the destination. We forget that we have read in so many blogs and fwd messages that most of the time it’s not your fault. It can be somebody else’s fault. If you are driving in right lane carefully and in mean time some other vehicle comes and bangs your vehicle what can you do?

Accident is always unplanned. A shock, a blackout, to some it can be a moment to recall the torture throughout life. One more addition of new Phobia of Speed or Road or traffic.

I read Shaunak’s Post, brought back the pack of something that I have nightmare every night. One more sufferer added to the list.
Friends please pray for his recovery. Through my experience I know the greatest cure is through prayers and blessings.

Shaunak says :
My cousin's been in the ICU for the past eight days or so. MAJOR car accident. A truck rammed his car from the side. I don't remember the specifics, but multiple fractures, temporary coma, brain damage...it's bad.
When you know someone who's battling for his life, it kinda puts things into perspective. We weren't that close. Heck, we barely met. But I know the guy. He's family. And that's more than enough for his condition to be stuck in my head. He's finally started responding, but they say it's touch and go. No guarantees.

Please Pray.
To link with Shaunak’s Post click here

Auto Walas...

I opened my notes in phone to write down something for blog. I thought of many things.. But something was holding me back. First thing I'm damn scared of traffic. I have always been a traffic phobia gal. And these days I'm even more may be cause of the aftermath of road accident. The auto drivers in Banglore sucks big time. They drive as if they playing a car game.
If someone is giving a drive to someone I think that person has the moment of responsibility ............ but who cares today. I
've always been a bike lover gal. Always ready for a ride or drive, but no more. It’s not that I don't like it but I'm not crazy for rides like before. I choose not to see the road when auto driver drives. So most of the time I play song on my phone, or chat through gprs, talk to someone on phone, sms or simply type notes for blog.

I don't know bike riders are always in so hurry. They suck.
I note to rash drivers... Drive rash if your confident but Plz see that you don't end up hurting someone else. Accident does weird things to body and mind as well. Disabilities changes life.

The Day

Too everyone who ever thinks what actually happened to me. Why do I keep talking about loss, pain, suffering, destiny, fate etc.

Here is the story.

It was morning 9:30 a.m. on 7th October 2007 when my world turned upside down. The time my eyes opened I realised I was lying on the street near by the road with so many people around me, looking at my face as if something bad had happened to me. I thought something went wrong. Some seconds of my life is missing (I had blacked out for some seconds).. I was not on the bike.... Bike?? Where is the bike?? Where is he?? How did I land here?? What happened to me? Avoiding the crowd of people I was trying to stand on my leg. Next thing I remember is I saw my left foot was facing left side when I was actually lying flat on my back with a straight leg. This couldn’t have happened. What happened to my leg? I saw Manish standing behind me. He was on other bike with Sunil and was riding behind our bike. I screamed – ‘Manish what happened to me’. He said ‘kuch nahi. Everything will be fine don’t worry.’ I could hear an ambulance coming closer to me. I asked a guy to hold my foot in upright position. I was carried to hospital. I breathe normally. I didn’t feel much pain.. But where is he?

I landed in the hospital which was 100 meter away from the accident spot. I saw him next to my bed. The helpers separated our bed with a curtain and we couldn’t see each other’s face. All I could hear was is voice asking me if I ask fine. I felt some pain in the left leg. I asked the nurse to cut my jeans (my favorite jeans); I saw the wound was too bad. But I don’t know how, there was power inside me to face all that as if it’s just a matter of some minutes. My finger too was broken. I was taken to x-ray room and in some minutes I saw many of my friends surrounding me. I called my cousin as he was only my relative staying in B’lore. I called my sister in Nepal to inform her that it was serious and they had to come down. She thought I was kidding. Later she believed when someone else informed her about it. By the time my parents landed in hospital I already had ten hours surgery. I didn’t hear much. I could see with low vision. I couldn’t move my body. I was in ICU for ten days. He came to visit me on sixth day before leaving B’lore. You might be thinking what happened to the guy? He broke his left hand. I had no idea how did the accident happened. I was in general ward for 10 more days. Between that I had many surgery and bad news with a tinge of good news which still was bad. They saved my leg.

Present scene – I am in Nepal in my home town. I’m still not able to walk properly. I use crutch to walk which irritates me as it keep falling down when I put it in corner when I don’t need them. I have half plaster till my knee from my foot. I am not able to bend my knee which will (I hope) happen soon. I am not under any medication. I might have to go through one or two more operations. My fracture is not yet repaired though I have shown to the best doctor. He says it’s a natural healing and it’s slow in my case and they can’t do anything about it. So they ask me to rest for another five months and I shall be going to B’lore after 5 months again for check up.

His case – he is having his physiotherapy done every day. He is in Nepal. He is not able to fold his hand completely but then it’s a matter of some months. I wish he’ll be same as how he was before.

He still loves me the same and so do I.

A bad day

I now walk with a broken leg
I think of the dance floor and the movements I made

I am one of the others who don’t know what am I suppose to do with my life.

The day didn’t end well today. I don’t know what the reason was but I was sad today. I was on the dining room with my sister and my dad for dinner. She said something and I couldn’t stop my tears. It’s not in human nature to think before they speak or to see what mood the other person is in. Its nothing serious that a human would cry in that situation but maybe I am over emotional and sentimental after the accident. I try to be strong and try not to show people that I am affected but it’s not happening. I was thinking if people around me hurt me so much then should I turn my back and stay alone so that no one says anything to me and I’m not hurt. At least away from senseless stupid people. I expect a lot from my family. Slowly these expectations are reducing. Ultimately there is no one than oneself. I only need to go through pain that I am supposed to suffer. People could make difference with words but my family members do not have time to observe me, read my mind and ask me how am I feeling. They are busy with other things in life which I feel is less important (may be less important to me but important to them but I don’t understand hope I am not being selfish). After all everyone believes family is the ultimate destination when there is no one. In the end nothing much matters. Friends changes.. They become busy in their life, their life changes and their friendship changes too because of distance and space. Only one or two are left out who are true friends.
Or was I sad today because I turned back to my past again. I know all the days are not same and this phase of the suffering days going to end soon, but when?
It just happened in a very wrong age. Actually there isn’t any right age for such stuff I mean accidents, sufferings from physical pain, mental pain. No one would want these factors to be there in life. But life isn’t just a happy movie.. it got emotions, twists and turns, abrupt endings, moments of togetherness and loneliness, betrayal, love, trust and every other thing which happens in everybody’s life. May be there are some few people who are lucky. Each one of us wishes we could be one of them.

I keep myself busy with some or the other thing but inside I am alone. I am waiting to be back on track with the same life which I left at a point., I can see it’s waiting for me.

Had a bad day today
Hope tomorrow is a better one.