Settlement through BK Shivani

It hasnt been long enough that i was introduced to one to The Brahma Kumari BK Shivani by one my very close friend.
Since then I have been habitually following her on YouTube, Facebook where i get her regular updates.
A guide to simple, settled, optimistic way of living through optimistic thought.

I now realised how unsettled I used to be, how much I used ponder unlessly over unnecessary things and wasted my precious time. I learnt how I can stop my mind from non stop chattering and guide my mind to be peaceful, powerful, diivne and loveable soul.

I asked my mother few months back if i can have a Guru who can guide me through life, who can give me advise to walk through the right way if I am wrong. She told me it never was late to follow Guru. My question was how do I find one? How will I know if this is the right one for me.

Long back i happened to see a video on parenting advise by Bk Shivani and Shekar. It was sort of Interview one-one types where Shekar seemed to be unsettled with his questions on parenting and how BK Shivani answered all this questions so politely with optimistic thoughts. It interested me. I then thought may be i have a spritual side of me which i didnt know. I tried listening to other speakers of Spritual thought but all went above my head. BK Shivani speaks in simple language and talks about practical situations. She guides well towards the way to optimism in all situations.

I felt a friend in her who staying so far understood my problems and helped me though.

I never was a easy let go person but now letting go is so easy.
I have become more forgiving, which make me feel more powerful and strong inside. It makes me feel happy. A smile within as if a pure soul has touch my soul and now I am under a spell of some magic which can completely taken hold of me and would drag me away from negetive energies.

And unsettled part continues..

For once I felt blogging makes me more restless because I keep wondering about the situation which makes me hold to it and I can't move on. The more you talk about any situation the more you have it in your thought.

After a long time I am back to posting a new content in blog hoping it will bring me some settlement. There comes a time when you want to talk to someone about how you feel but then you don't want to talk to people you know, you want to talk to someone who doesn't know you who doesn't judge you and still can be with you, can understand the situation and suggest you. I try my best to live my life at ease. I promised many times to myself that I won't be hurt by others and I won't give the key to my happiness to someone els. The key should be with me.

Now and then the situation provokes me to handover the key of my happiness to someone else and then my conscious mind remind me to smash it and keep it to myself. I Wonder myself how easy is to be hurt just by looking at someone, just the presence of someone. I wish I can move on easily in life, I am too tired of fighting with myself fighting in my own thoughts.

Unsettled

Restlessness never  seem to set at peace..  I wish  I could put an end to these uneasy feelings which keeps coming back to haunt me.
Life has changed so much.  I know it's a normal sentence for everyone and specially accepted by recently  married or parenting people.  Life indeed changes. It feels like the sea in which I drowning without any choice and where there is no looking back.
In this busy  road  of life paved with responsibilities,  I most of the time feel the absence of "fun".  The fun loving,  party animal,  always lived by my rule,  always knew what was right and fight for what feels wrong.  Now I tend to be mum most of the time. That's not me!  No its not.  I had always been the fighter and I knew  I will fight till end for myself. I have lost myself. May be it's time for me to find me again.

Weird Pages...

Deleting people from life? Well yes I do that at times. When I am badly hurt, I do not wish that person to stay in my life anymore and I do not even wish to hear her/his name. Forgive them? It's not easy for me to forgive them.

What about deleting people out of love? for their good?
Well I have never done that. I never wanted to delete people out of .my life who are closed to me. Staying away from loved one is difficult. The absence of their speech kills if it is person whom you communicate everyday.
How we get used to small things in life and we get dependent on them for small opinion, suggestion, feedback, reactions. How small things get connected to them and reminds you of the person every now and then. The "WE" turns into "YOU" and "I" in no time.

Love hurts, yes it does but I didn't know friendship hurts too, knowing that, at times distance is good in the long run happiness for both of them.

All set to suit up!!!

We all belong to family with different life style. I belong to family which do not allow daughter-in-law to wear any clothes which are sleeveless or which revels legs. So I end up wearing Salwar suits (which I never wore unless I was married) and sometimes Saree (I love Sarees and I wear it occasionally).

Now since I am expecting, I was sulking someday back thinking that I might have to borrow my mother- in- law’s clothes to feel more comfortable to fit in since they will be lose fitting to wear at home. I do not fit into many of my clothes. I hate to wear legging these days as temperature has shoot up to 40 degree this summer with no trace of rain. Pregnancy is making me crave so much to wear cute dresses like this.

   

I should surely buy some because I want to live this moment to the fullest. Pregnancy doesn't happen always and I want to keep feelings happy about it J My sister is law is so excited to see my baby bump in dungarees. She is put up in Delhi and has promised me to buy me dungarees. I cant wait to wear them too.

Yesterday we ended up shopping at "Mom and Me". Thanks to RD that we didnt skip on this one. Found some great stuffs which I can  start using now to make life easier during pregnancy.

Leggings with secret fit belly supporter . You also get patialas (named as Nawabis under http://www.momandmeshop.in) Check here http://goo.gl/mmG8w6

Right now reading : http://www.lifewithmylittles.com/2014/03/

More post on Pregnancy coming soon....

The war between heart and mind

I was craving to get back to blogging since long but somehow thoughts and work always kept me busy and I didn’t find time for myself.

 It has been two days and I feel life has changed. A small misunderstanding can change so many lives.  At times it feels nice to close my eyes and think of things which makes me happy. There are things which may be right to me but wrong to others.  When there is gap between me and others, I realise I have already created a world of my own and made barriers for no one else to peak in. But when the barriers are broken and I stand where the others are, I realise where was I was leading.  

At time brain makes decision but then the heart repeals. My mind is playing with thoughts which are not clear. It is trying to decide but something is stopping. I want to live a simple life but I am a person who keeps turning back, mesmerise the good and bad moment every now and then.

When it rains..

Lazy eyes turned my side to the left, where I generally keep my phone next to my pillow. Check the time; it was 7’o clock in the morning. I smiled to myself as I had one more hour to sleep before I kick-start the day. Snoozed my phone thrice and finally got up at 8’o clock. Had nice shower, played my everyday playlist of songs on the phone. The best way to start a day for me is listening to music while I am brushing my teeth and while bathing. I got dressed and came out of room to dry my towel in the terrace. It was raining, I smiled. I wondered how the glimpse of rain still enchant me and bring back old memories when I used to spend hours watching rain through my window with a smile on my lips.

New friendship -Yes/No??

A time comes when I feel like -ok enough !! I don’t wanna make any more new friends. I have enough friends whom I am not able to give time.  I do not want to make anyone close and make them fall in my inner circle of friends. No emotional attachment no hurts no bad feelings, no worries to lose them (if in case).

Everyone goes through the new friendship excitement, the long chats, the feeling to check their status on whatsapp/Fb now and then, the feeling to meet them time and again.

Does it really happen with everyone? Time when you feel like you have enough of friends around you and you are not open to new friendship which might turn into close friendship later?

A song I came across

                                                                  "Ordinary People"

Girl im in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday


I know i misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow


This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
Then we head back to hell again
We kiss then we make up on the way

I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow



Take it slow
Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave, 
maybe you'll return
Maybe another fight
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
We never know baby youuuu and I



We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Heyyy)
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

When the emotions are running high!!

There are moments when you feel so shattered, when you are not able to understand why you are low. You try hard to hit the right cord, to make people understand what you are going through and what the reasons for your sadness are. Actually you yourself don’t know.

And then when you take a step to talk randomly to that someone, things that you never thought poked you, which has stayed passively in corner of your mind/heart comes out as an emotional opening up.

Things that you had stored deep within, which even you were not conversing about, takes shape in form of words and open up to that someone who is patiently listening to you without commenting anything but just letting you talk, open up till you are done with it. Till the tears dry, till the heart beats comes to the normal beating, till the time you feel you are done and now you can sleep with a wish of new fresh morning.

If you were a sailboat...

First thanks to the writer of anymorethenawhisper to introduce me this song. I am loving it. Thanks once again <3<3
If you were a cowboy I would trail youIf you were a piece of wood I’d nail you to the floorIf you were a sailboat I would sail you to the shore
If you were a river I would swim youIf you were a house I would live in you all my daysIf you were a preacher I’d begin to change my ways
Sometimes I believe in fateBut the chances we createAlways seem to ring more trueYou took a chance on loving meI took a chance on loving you
If I was in jail I know you’d spring meIf I was a telephone you’d ring me all day longIf I was in pain I know you’d sing me soothing songs
Sometimes I believe in fateBut the chances we createAlways seem to ring more trueYou took a chance on loving meI took a chance on loving you
If I was hungry you would feed meIf I was in darkness you would lead me to the lightIf I was a book I know you’d read me every night
If you were a cowboy I would trail youIf you were a piece of wood I’d nail you to the floorIf you were sailboat I would sail you to the shoreIf you were sailboat I would sail you to the shore
KATIE MELUA - IF YOU WERE A SAILBOAT

Getting back to blog and little bit of being filmy

As I came back home, I rushed to search my laptop and reminded myself where I last saw it. Oh yes, it was in my work station.

The laptop was left untouched, with all the work related screens on and all the messengers on. I decided I need to get back to writing blog and to do that I had to shut down everything so that there is no distraction and the flow of my thoughts are not disturbed.

I had traveled to a nearby city and came back. It was a short travel but a long conversation with me in my head.  The unsaid words to the missed one, I said it all in my thoughts and made some terms with myself, pondered over it again and again. On the way I might have read fifteen blogs which I had saved it to read later on my kindle.

Series of topics came to me which I wanted to write down and I wondered how much I missed writing blog and why had I left it so untouched when there are so many topics I wanted to write about.

As I was travelling back in car, I felt RD head on my shoulder (generally he is not much of a sleeping person in car), I wanted to relish this moment so I kept him continue resting on my shoulder. I kept looking at him, wrapped his hands with mine and wanted to tell him how much I missed him (though he had been with me throughout) and how much he meant to me. Filmy that I am, as a matter of fact there is difference in real and reel life (your phrase I keep stealing.. sorry can’t help it), I felt pain slowing increasing in my shoulder. I wanted to place his heavy head somewhere else to  easy myself and reminded myself that I could not be so filmy to hold him like that for too long, I am a girl not a boy with masculine arms :P.  The pain became intolerable so I finally placed his head to the other side near the car’s door. I smiled to notice that we are not too away from home.

Lots more to write. To be continued..

The new follow up :)

What if you took a left turn instead of a right turn would your life be any different?. Perhaps yes, every microscopic change can alter our future...but there are things that are meant to be...right?. Or its us that make them happen? Or may be there is a greater force that control us? Do you believe in destiny ? This is my diary, where I explore and battle with my own soul! All started with a dream...... Hope my life journey can help someone to understand the importance of dialogue and to grasp every moment in life .... Don't do the same mistakes I did.. Live the moment ...be yourself.....follow your instinct... Everyday that we get is a bonus don't waste it ...




Thanks dear blogger for motivating once more to write.

http://anymorethenawhisper.blogspot.com/2013/06/feet-in-sand.html

Being on same page

Travelling in my car and thousands of thought rustle my mind. There were times when I used to share all my single thoughts with him. The time phase when were learning about each other, I felt he totally understood me and we were always on same page. He heard me exactly how I spoke. There were hardly any disagreement or thoughts of conflict.
Suddenly the time came when I had to choose between left and right and when I chose left he would say "where is left? There is only right", when my explanation to my feelings and thoughts changed into uncommon page. I felt when i was level five of emotion, he was in level three and he could not be in same level to understand my emotions and feelings I was going through.
It's then I realised there are things and feelings which other don't see  and feel the exact way you do. You have to let go, shouldn't push too hard. Be yourself, believe in yourself and be happy for your own self no matter if no one sees the exact you which you really are.

Soniye Hiriye Teri Yaad Aandi Ye

Relishing the song..

Soniye Hiriye Teri Yaad Aandi Ye
Seene Vich Tadapta Hai Dil Jaan Jaandi Ye.

Tuhi Jind Meri Ye Dil Da Karaar Ni..
Tuhi Jind Meri Ye Dil Da Karaar

Tu Aaja Tenu Rabda Wasta..
Udekta Main Tera Rasta

Kinna Tenu Chaava Ey Na Samjhi Tu..
Tere Naam Kitti Zindagii,

Jab Tu Milengi Tenu Dassange
Tere Naal Meri Har Khusi

Tuhi Jind Meri Ye Dil Da Karaar Ni..
Tuhi Jind Meri Ye Dil Da Karaar

Tu Aaja Tenu Rabda Wasta..
Udekta Main Tera Rasta

Soniye Hiriye Teri Yaad Aandi Ye
Seene Vich Tadapta Hai Dil Jaan Jaandi Ye

Suna Suna Dil Da Aasiyaana Hai
Suni Zameen Ho Asmaa..

Khoya Khoya Renda Mera Paagal Dil
Aaja Laut Ke Hun Aa Bhi Jaa

Tuhi Jind Meri Ye Dil Da Karaar Ni..
Tuhi Jind Meri Ye Dil Da Karaar

Tu Aaja Tenu Rabda Wasta..
Udekta Main Tera Rasta

Soniye Hiriye Teri Yaad Aandi Ye
Seene Vich Tadapta Hai Dil Jaan Jaandi Ye

P.S. I have been following this singer Shraddha Sharma in youtube. She is a good singer, sings differently but I hate to watch her. Probably she needs to work on her expressions more. I swap my screen if my mistake i see her video :P

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJe6GcFDuBU

Reading through Kindle

Now days I cannot collect patience to read blog on my laptop. I though don’t mind to read it on my kindle.  It’s one of the oldest versions of kindle that I own but I still love it as I love my old letters, way back but yet so close.

As we have “Pocket”  as and read it later extension in Chrome, it also has an app called kindle it which converts all the read it later file to kindle format and like Pocket it send the file in one click to my kindle. So awesome and so easy to read it there. Especially when I am lying down and want to want to drift apart from world, not read about the same old people on your FB list but to read some sensible post of dear bloggers.

Raaji I am trying to catch up with your post J

I thought blogvilla has died as many of my blogger friends have stopped blogging but it was amusing today to check that there are still some bloggers who updates their blog now and then.

Being apart from blog was when life was in full swing.  Especially when RD was around after marriage I never felt like writing as I used to share all my single thoughts with him. I still do. But I kind of feel the need of getting back to blog have been increasing. It may be because I want to be with myself and not matter with real people for some time but just me and my thoughts. 

I hear you...

Some songs poke your brain every time you listen to it as some memories are attached to it. There are times when you want to keep away from those memories but then the song reminds you of it now and then. It is worse when it is a new song you are addicted to. You will hear it everywhere; let it be in your playlist, your friend’s car, your driver's mobile ringtone, the hindi serial background song, the saloon you passing through Grrrr..

It was a shock when I heard it from my painter’s mobile. The busy painter was enjoying the song and brushing the wall where as I froze for a moment, closed my eyes, relish the moments, ran away from the moment, reminded myself to get back to real life :D

Cheers!!!

P.S. : Stop screaming the song into my ear. I hear you.. : : 

Let her go.....

Well you only need the light when it's burning low 
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow 
Only know you love her when you let her go 
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low 
Only hate the road when you're missing home 
Only know you love her when you let her go 
And you let her go 

Staring at the bottom of your glass 
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last 
But dreams come slow and they go so fast 
You see her when you close your eyes 
Maybe one day you'll understand why 
Everything you touch surely dies 

Staring at the ceiling in the dark 
Same old empty feeling in your heart 
'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast 
Well you see her when you fall asleep 
But never to touch and never to keep 
'Cause you loved her too much and you dive too deep 

Well you only need the light when it's burning low 
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow 
Only know you love her when you let her go 
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low 
Only hate the road when you're missing home 
Only know you love her when you let her go 
And you let her go 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=RBumgq5yVrA

When it is not way it is..

At times being normal when you are not is so difficult but got to be to see others happy...

Mann mera

Saari Raat Aahein Bharta, Pal Pal Yaadon Mein Marta,
Maane Na Meri Mann Mera, Thode Thode Hosh Madhoshi Si Hai,
Neend Behoshi Si Hai, Jaane Kuchh Bhi Na Mann Mera..,

Kabhi Mera Tha, Par Ab Mera Na Hai Yeh,
Deewana Deewana Samjhe Na, Kabhi Chup Chup Rahe,
Kabhi Gaaya Yeh Kare, Bin Poochhe Teri Tareefein,
Sunaya Yeh Kare, Hai Koi Haqeekat Tu..,
Ya Koi Fasana Hai, Kuchh Jaane Agar To Itna,
Ke Yeh Tera Deewana Hai, Re Mann Mera,
Maane Na Mann Mera,

Rag Rag Woh Samaaya Mere, Dil Par Woh Chhaya Mere,
Mujh Mein Woh Aise Jaise Jaan, Gire Barsaat Mein Paani Jaise,
Koi Kahaani Jaise, Dil Se Ho Dil Tak Jo Bayaan,
Aashiq Dil Tera Puraana Hai Yeh,
Deewana Deewana Samjhe Na,

Kabhi Chup Chup Rahe, Kabhi Gaaya Yeh Kare,
Bin Poochhe Teri Tareefein, Sunaya Yeh Kare,
Hai Koi Haqeekat Tu, Ya Koi Fasana Hai,
Kuchh Jaane Agar To Itna, Ke Yeh Tera Deewana Hai,
Re Mann Mera..Maane Na Mann Mera..,
Tujh Ko Jo Dekhe , Yeh Mujhko Le Ke,
Bas Tere Peechhe Peechhe Bhaage,
Tera Junoon Hai, Tu Hi Sukoon Hai,
Tujh Se Hi Baandhe, Dil Ke Dhaage,
Mann Mera..Maane Na Mann Mera..,